The long kiss goodnight

One has to die before one can be reborn. There must be darkness to see the light. The cup must be empty before it can be filled. All metaphors that have never made more sense until now. There is a dark night before tomorrow comes.

I was wrong in saying that I changed for her. She was the flare, the light, the angel who was my guide. She wasn't the end all and be all. I was so wrong about that. She was not the destination, she was merely the door way. I suppose that due to certain things that have happened in my life, I was scared to take the first step. Someone up there must like me a little cause they sent her to give me a nice neat kick squarely on the backside to get me moving. When it came, it came. I sat there, dead. No emotion, no thought. I sat despondent, dry and hollow. I was merely awake on the surface, a gebbeth, shadow puppet. I had lost all hope. But fortunately human endurance and the desire for life outlasts hope. I looked and waited patiently for signs of life.

Slowly bit by bit, I was brought back. Resuscitated from a fall I could not stop. And to think all of this was just an action to open the doorway of my existence. I can only imagine what the existence would entail. On the way back, I was forced to make a vow. That vow I can do nothing but keep. To even think about breaking that vow would eventually mean failing in everything. So its quite a predicament.

"I am haunted by moments of enlightenment:
I see the world with perfect clarity--
All that has been and all that shall be--
Nothing is hidden from me.
But then, amid the vision, I awaken
Abandoned and forlorn,
Forsaken and alone--a lost soul
Condemned to wander forever without a home." - William Mistele

It really sounds all cliche'd and sad and dark and all, but its all the truth.