Dick Monologues

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out

how the strong man stumbled, nor where the other

doer or deeds could have done better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,

Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood,

Who strikes valiatly; who errs and comes short

Again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms,

The great devotions, and spends himself to a worthy cause,

Who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

And who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly;

So that his place shall never with those cold and timid souls be

Who knows neither victory

Nor defeat.

Here's to the crazy ones.

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers.

The round pegs in the square holes.

The ones who see things differently.

They're not fond of rules,and they have no respect for the status-quo.

You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.

But the only thing you can't do is ignore them.

Because they change things.

They push the human race forward.

And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.

Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

I'm an official tard

You Are 0% Normal (As Weird as They Come)

Are you from outer space? Because you're hardly human. Where people go right, you go left. And you have little in common with anyone... Except other freaks of natures :-)

How Normal Are You?

Oh my god, I'm getting addicted to this shit... :P

Welcome! To the Edge!

"Will you take my hand?" I asked her.

"Yes!" she replied enthusiastically.

But even as she said it, I knew she was lying. Lying just to make me happy. Her eyes were elsewhere, looking at a group of her friends playing in the fields. It was wrong, horridly wrong of me to expect this of her. She's totally different from me. She's doesn't belong on the edge. She makes her house and her family in the heart of the country. A safe beautiful place. My house is a bedroll on the edge of the line. She would never be comfortable there. Even as I knwe this, I felt immeasureable pain in my heart. She was so beautiful and so full of life. If I could just take a small vial of her essence and carry it with me everywhere so that I'd always be happy. I hugged her. Held her tight one last time. Kissed her. Kissed her on her cheek, Her warm, soft cheek against my lips. I breathed her scent one last time. Looked into her eyes. In my mind, I took her hands off my hips, and mine off hers. The love strings snapped. We each withdrew our own strands into our heart. Then I let her go.

She smiled. She understood. She turned around and ran off to play with her friends. She went back to society. She didn't even turn to look back. I would have cried out of sadness, but I didn't. I knew it would never work. But I wouldn't trade what we had while it lasted, for anything in the world. The sunlight shone bright on my face and a gentle breeze blew across the Fields of Love. The road was open. The gate unlocked. The test passed. A new time unravelled. But still, more than ever now, in the absence of any familiarity and hope, I felt an immense loneliness. Welcome, the the edge.

Saying hello

I've been getting like tons of comments that my Blog is getting to be majorly depressing and sad. Especially with reference to my last few posts. People say that it sorta reflects on me and shows that I am a more solemn and melancholy sort of person. But its not true! I'm not some bipolar schizophrenic manic depressive monday blue glass-half-empty kind of a guy. Or am I? I don't know really. I'm both I suppose. I can be extremely vibrant and outgoing, cheerful happy and lively. Hmm...maybe I am a bipolar schizophrenic. Jeez I hate modern psychology. Hehehe...but I know I'm not. Its just recently that I've begin feeling really down. And the funny thing is that its not just me. I know of like a lot of people that are feeling really depressed and bored and lonely and just generally pissed off. Its true! I noticed this long ago in fact. Its a sign of our times. We are no longer satisfied with the meaningless lives we are forced to live. Humans derive order out of chaos, then we get bored and blow shit up just to make more chaos to order. Right now, everything is all fine and dandy, there are increasingly boring crappy challenges, so as humans, we purposely screw things over so that we have something to work on and busy ourselves with.

Every good government and military leader knows that peace breeds war and war breeds peace. Our spirits as the adventurers, explorers and fighters on the edge are demanding some awe. Science has so calmly and subtly removed all that we are too hold in respect and worship. We are all children of God. God made us. Uh uh! No, you're little evolutionary accidents. You're DNA and proteins. You evolved by natural selection! Aww hell no Mr Scientist. Shove it! You explain the how. But you never ever explain the why. The what for. You all think in stupid little tunnel visions. Our physical and mental states are evolving and changing way too much faster than our spirits are. Thats not a good thing. A human without a spirit is a car moving at 100km/h without a driver. And for its right now, its not just one car. Its our highway of driverless speeding cars. Go figure. You know why children go to schools with machine guns and kill other kids? Cause it gives them purpose. Its a moment to live in total glory and control. Where they're spirit is free to roam and be alive. You condition our minds but you never help our souls. God is all around us but we fail to see God. You know why you get depressed and feel like dying? Cause its what your soul wants to do. Its not being expressed. Its being starved.

I don't really know what I'm driving at. I'm just typing as the emotions flow. But basically...what I'm trying to say is...we need awe. How many people have you seen that can just ignore a jumbojet take off or soar above them? Have you seen it I mean? All that power and glory. It holds us in awe. Or have you seen the Queen Elizabeth II. Its a bloody big ship. And when people see it off the harbour, they just stop and go like, Wow. Its not surprise. Its wonder. Its awe. Right now, I'm heeding that call. I can smell its scent in the air. The scent of adventure. We can't find God because we are behind the walls of society. I know most of you are really spiritual church going folk. You go to church, you pray, you're all really really nice people. They do not wish to use spiritual power in order to serve. The act of entering and working in the workshop of Divine Providence is totally beyond them. Being committed to devotion and purity, they renounce knowledge and the wisdom acquired through direct experience. Their minds are hermetically sealed. They have closed their eyes and their ears and that is ok with me. Sabotaging one’s mind—this is a small price to pay in order to embrace a loving community. Open your mind and you may well find yourself surrounded by wonders and ecstasies but also by monsters and horrors that others cannot dream.

But how many of you have really found God? I don't half of you are looking for God even. Its all nice to go to church and play the little game. Go there, meet your friends, have fun, be nice people. But frankly, its not for me. I've done it. I didn't find God. Heh..even now, I am not really looking for God. I know God's there. No doubt about that in my mind. I'm looking for myself. Poor poor Jeremy. He can't leave anything alone. He's the kinda guy that sees a red button marked "Please for the sake of the universe and god and your loved ones, don't press this god damned button". Press. D'oh! He's the sorta guy you see in shows that goes and pokes a sleeping bear. The kind of guy you frequently hear saying, "Hmmm, I wonder if this hurts?" Dumbass. Well I need my dosage of awe and power.

"If you want achievement and personal satisfaction, it is sufficient
to be a moral person who is devote and righteous. With this attitude, you
can succeed in life without having to cross an abyss of doubt and
insecurity. If you want a life full of me aning and happiness, then stay
within the boundaries set by your religion and culture."

"Your society will tell you all you need to know to be an honorable and accomplished
individual. The problem is that too much self-understanding is dangerous
and, in t he long run, counterproductive. Looking deeply into yourself
can only undermine your ties to society and your connections to your
friends and lovers."

"I do not touch the sacred in order to feel more alive. When the
sacred comes into your life, it destroys your identity and takes from you
the life you thought you knew so well. There is a dark gulf separating
the person you know yourself to be and the spiritual being waiting to be born within you. In every wisdom tradition this realization is the first step you must take in order to celebrate the mysteries."

"The great mystics in every religion know this experience can not be
reshaped, reduced, or reinterpreted. They have tried and failed and that
is why we consider them somewhat different from everyone else--they trade
their peer group and support netw ork for an inner vision they have found
within themselves. As a matter of fact, when the sacred enters your life,
it does not fulfill but runs counter to the dreams, the needs, and the
psychological paradigms of your culture."

Crusin

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement. You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you. By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power. And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Ramblings of an old man

I'm just so tired. So bloody flipping tired. Hey girl, if you don't like me, too bad then. I'm tired of waiting. Tired of being played. So I'm just out of it. I've got other things to do anyway.

Yeah mate, so thats that. Almost immediately, it all came back to me. I spoke my words to the wind and with it, I breathed my first magic after at least 2 months. It was amazing I tell ya. The train came rushing in, with the spirits billowing around it. I whispered gently into their ears, "whichitka" the old word I learnt when i first began my journey. my burden was alleviated and my soul set free. her magic broken. shackles of ramification.

Taken from the Chronicles of the Magi:-
Closing my eyes, I felt my spirit move. When I opened it, I was surrounded by the fiery swirling dusts of Egypt. The last land that they visited before they left. I stood motionless in the wake of a sandstorm three days in the making. As it passed, I saw a small fire in a nearby dune. It wasn't a dune at all as I found out.

An old old man was sitting inside. Eli. I knew him from sometime before. Not in this birth probably but he knew me well enough.

"Seth, come in, sit down you old fool," he jested

Puzzled as I was at this cryptic remark, I sat down, placing this book to my right side.

"You are troubled again Seth?," he chuckled at his own joke ,"You always had a knack for finding problems. I suppose thats why you were the Capturer of Thoughts and I always will be the Still Mind"

Ignoring his blabbering, I replied to what made sense, "Yes Eli...I am troubled again I suppose. Fear and doubt plague my soul at every breath"

"Go on, I will listen and give you what aide and council I can proffer at this age"

Seth's story:
Eli...I fear myself. I stay awake at night and I am scared. Will I ever be loved? All my relationships thus far have been failures. I blame my parents but truly...I know that only I am to be blamed. I am the fool of fools. I think I am smart but I know in my heart that I am the stupidest and most ignorant. I dream and conjure these girls from the shallowness of my mind. Girls that I expect to give unto me what I want.

What do I want? I want a girl that loves me exclusively. Is devoted to me. We share our own secret world. Our hearts entwined as one. All of that nonsense that you see scribbled onto the love potions in common bazaars. But in truth old friend, what I crave more than anything is not to be lonely. Forsooth, I am. I am so open and so empty in my heart that when a girl chooses to share her heart with me, I envelope it, smother it, assimilate it, eat it and swallow it. Such is my desire. Such is my bane. My curse. I want to wake up at night and feel her body next to mine. I want to remember that I am not alone. Someone I can feel so comfortable with. Sometimes, I can even feel her breath within mine...then I remember that it is only my breath that I feel and I am alone again.

But friend, oh old friend, I give up. All of this anticipation and disappointment is too much for my weak heart to take. I can stand to see cities burn, see wars fought, see children die, but irony of ironies, I cannot stand to see myself bear hurt. So I give it up. May life and God do with me what they see fit. If I am bound to suffer solitude for this lifetime, then so be it. If by their providence, I am blessed otherwise, so be it too. Yet, I warn those who would challenge my will. Belail, Aszataroth, Kmegmion. Foul spirits of the underdeep. You blaise my fears and fuel my jealousy and ill-mentioned passions. You who would dare desecrate what is pure. You who take what is not yours. You whose name is war, strife, pain, fear, doubt and evil. A curse upon thee! May He in his mercy bless me.

Its only words..and words are all I have...

yeah yeah fucking crap, i can write, i can write beautifully, i talk well. i am good at this, good at that. big fucking deal. the things that really matter to me i screw up. i've hurt her so many times. i've hurt so many others so many times. and all i can do is be introspective about it. i can weave words into illusion. thats all. i am not real. i have no substance. i have no flesh. i hide behind my magic. using it to caress and cajole. i am a shell of a man. i speak too much. so much so that my words are losing its magic and its meaning. i say things often, not because i mean them but because i know how to use them. i know the mechanisms, i know the source of its power so i abuse it. half the time, when i speak, it is not from my source. its from my shell. i want to cause something, so i say it. i manipulate people by it. its all a game. i've lost my essence. i've told her sorry a thousand times. i charm her, then piss her off, then say sorry and get her back. a regular fucking einstein. i respect russell crowe. not because he is silent and strong. but because he is silent when it matters and when he talks, he talks from his strength and his heart. oh my god...i am sooo sorry girl. i just want to tell you i am sorry and make you believe me. the word has prolly lost all meaning from me to you. but all i want to do is hug you. i keep on thinking that i will be the one telling you that it is okay. but in reality, you are the one that has to tell me things are going to be okay. you'll never speak to me again in the same way. and i can feel that things will never ever be the same again between the two of us. on your birthday last year, the cord of our love snapped. now the very lifeline of our relationship and humanity has been broken. all because of my words. my blessing and my bane. its ripped a hole in my soul. and you won't ever read this because you fear what i say. so i'll never ever get to tell you how i really feel, but you won't believe it anyway. all hope is lost. not even magic can save it now. see folks...all i can do is write and weave dreams of flight and fancy. i must help my words regain its innocence and its power. so forgive me if i do not write here for a while.

I'm sorry. I really am. But by now, that word has lost all meaning hasn't it?

Oh my god! I feel so bloody sick and disgusted with myself that I feel like vomitting my insides right out. I feel like running away and just ignoring everything. I started talking to her on MSN 2 days ago. I was supposed to go to sleep at 10pm but since she came on, I stayed a while. We started talking a little. I jokingly asked her how much she loved me. She replied quite wittily, "How do you measure love?"

We got talking more and eventually, somehow, we realised that we were still quite interested with each other. I started tracing our relationship from the moment we first expressed our feelings to each other. I started this at around 12 midnight. If I had just left at that point in time, I would have gone to school tomorrow and met a girl that I loved and that loved me. But no...not me, not fucking Jeremy. The smartest, wittiest bastard on the face of this earth. I had to go on, to probe further.

I brought up the topic of her clubbing. I asked her why she said I would not have wanted to follow her. She said she danced rather lewdly with other men. Grinding, she said. Grinding? The image entered my mind like an inferno. All rational thinking stopped. I just felt. Felt..how could this lovely girl. This angel that I loved so so much grind against other men. I was like...what the hell...i started shivering in anger and disgust. her groin against theirs. their hands all over her. i swear, i know how wolverine feels when he gets pissed. I felt my hands. and all they wanted was to cause damage and destruction. i don't know if i've mentioned it before, but she and i are telepathic to a good degree. she immediately felt my change in mood and got scared. she gets scared so easily. how can anyone possibly enjoy this? i mean yeah for guys, they are getting some..but for the girls? how come so many guys like going clubbing and getting girls like that, but i don't? Am i mad? Am i sick? How could they touch my girl? I realised then also, that she was not my girl. And for that moment, I hated her. I was disgusted with her. All that I could think was, she's a slut. Drinking, smoking, entertaining men with her body and flirting with them. She calls that playing. "Oh my daddy won't let me go overseas for attachment cause he knows I'll play" . "All I'm good for is playing", "Nobody can ever love me", "Oh you don't want to know my dark side". "I'm an evil person". What the hell man...What are you trying to prove?

I didn't sleep well that night. I kept on waking up with that sinking feeling in my stomach, I kept on wishing that it had been a bad dream. But it wasn't it was as real as the pain in my heart. I don't care now. I don't want her for romantic love. I don't want her body. I just want to be her friend..but even that seems way too impossible. When she drifts, she goes far and fast. I feel so horrid because she fears me. Me? I feel like I've left her in a bad spot. I've left her not only fearing me, but fearing herself. She's so gorgeous and beautiful and full of life and full of her glorious love, but all I do is try to change her. Everytime, 3 times with the same girl. What the fuck am I playing at? It feels bloody horrible now that its gone. I've only got 1 month of school left with her. Then, chances are, if things are not mended between us, its all over. Forever. I'll never see her again. And that makes me sick to my stomach. How do you measure love? 4 hours. At 10pm she loved me. By 2am, she feared me like the devil himself. All love gained and lost within 4 hours. I'd do ANYTHING to get her back. Not as a girlfriend, just as a friend even!